Anniversaries

Hey everyone, I know it's been forever. As always... but I miss my daddy. February 24, 2013 made it 8 years since the last day I saw him. Yes, it was an anniversary. Anniversaries like this seem like they would be depressing, and yes they are... but you can either choose to think about how the person is gone OR you can choose to celebrate the person's life. I remember he dropped me off for my 7th grade field trip that morning and gave me a hug and a kiss good-bye. I'm truly thankful I got to say good-bye to him that morning. I got my daily hug and kiss good-bye that morning. Little did I know that would be my last ones from my daddy. I miss him so much and I wish he was here. I would trade everything I have just to hear his voice or see him one last time. Hell, I would give anything to hear him even yell at me at this point! I miss my dad more than anything. After 8 years, you would think it would get easier... but it doesn't. It never does, nor will it ever... not for me. I feel like, if anything, it gets harder because now I feel like I'm starting to forget things. I may be forgetting things, but I will never forget February 24, 2005. I remember leaving him that day, walking into school all happy. We went to Medieval Times and I had a blast that day. I do remember it being a blah, rainy day... and on our way home we were told to call our parents to let them know we were getting close to town. Well, I called my dad's cellphone first, but he didn't answer. I called again, still no answer. I thought that was weird, so I called his work phone. Once again I had the same result, he didn't answer. Then I called the house phone... of course, no answer. My friend Blake asked to borrow my phone so he could call his parents. While he called them I remember a state of panic rushing over me. I remember thinking: what if my dad forgot me? what if he is tied up at work in a meeting? what if he took a nap or met up with someone? this isn't like him, why isn't he answering? ...I then got my phone back from Blake and called again. Starting with the cellphone, then the work phone, and the house phone. No answer. I even attempted calling my dad's boss, she didn't answer either. Maybe he did forget, or he is just already at the school. Finally we get to the school, I look in the front parking lot for his truck, but no luck. It was no where to be seen. As we pulled around back I quickly scanned the parking lot again for my dad's truck. His little Nissan was no where to be seen. I remember a rush/wave/tsunami of panic coming over me. I felt like I was suffocating in panic. I tried not to show it, but I didn't know where my daddy was. This wasn't like him at all, he never forgot me, ever. As soon as I got off the bus, my mission was to find my daddy. So I could tell him about my day and see him and hug/kiss him and go have dinner with him so I could come back for band practice. I never got the chance to do any of that. My assistant principle brought me aside and into the guidance counselor's room. All I remember thinking was: no, this isn't right. I need to find my dad. As soon as I got into the room I looked to the right. There was my bestfriend's mom sitting on a bench. Her eyes were red and puffy from where she had been crying. I was then told that during my dad's lunch hour he had left work to get lunch and was killed in a car accident. He was hit by an 18-wheeler who jack-knifed right into his truck. My father was killed instantly, and I thank God for that. Thank God my daddy didn't have to suffer, but I miss him so much. I wish he was hear to talk to me, to tell me he was proud of me. I wish I could give him another hug and kiss. I wish I could see him grow old. He would be turning 59 this year and I wish he was here to celebrate it. I love him so much, but I'm thankful I knew him. Most people don't even get blessed with the chance to know their fathers, but I knew mine and he may be gone but his memories I have of him will keep him alive. I love you daddy. 

Not Like The Movies

Heyy everyone! Good morning.  So, I just wrote a huge post, but I didn’t like it so I deleted it. I just wanted to talk about the name of my Blog today. First though, I just want to say I had a very fabulous day. I drove up to Raleigh to hang out with my cousin, who is pretty much my sister, and her daughter. It was a great day, and it ended even better because I got to talk to Zack a little. Not much, but a little, and after what I realized yesterday or well, thought about yesterday (My purpose: blog post), it made talking to Zack a lot easier. So overall today was great, fantastic, amazing, happy, and fabulous. All of the above… Okay. So the name of my Blog is “Not Like The Movies” if you listen to Katy Perry or saw her movie, then you probably have heard this song. The last day Zack and I had talked, he told me he was tired of fighting. I was too but that’s what he said. He just didn’t want to fight anymore and I can’t blame him. I was tired of it, but I just did it. At first it was because of little lies he told, I just wanted him to know that I would much prefer the truth all up front rather than little lies and me finding out the truth eventually. I think everyone deserves that, and he knew how I felt about lying. My dad lied to me about the most important things in my life, so anytime Zack lied about something little it freaked me out. More so because they say when you start out lying it may be little things, but then that can snow ball and the thought of that freaked me out. However; I kept working with him. I never gave up and I knew we could work through it. Anyways, there is one line in that song that made me think of what he had said and it goes as follows: If it’s not like the movies, that’s how it should be. Now… I’m not talking about the whole song, just that one line. A lot of movies use to portray relationships and such as “perfect” happy tails with “perfect” happy endings and such. Well, I’m sorry but I don’t believe in “perfect” relationships. I don’t believe in relationships that are all just happy faces and no fighting. I believe in relationships that are real. That have their ups and downs. That have the arguments and making up. That have their I’m mad at you but of course I still love you moments. I don’t know, maybe I’m just boring or I have a weird view on relationships but that’s what I believe. Time for me to go to bed so I can get up early and work at Aeropostale tomorrow! Let me know what you guys think.

Yours truly,

Clair Kwahadi Parker

My "niece" and I goofing around at the mall today! :)

My busy, busy life.

Well. It's about time to finally get back on here. Sorry I have neglected this Blog after just getting it. I was doing so good and steady for three tiny days but then some serious events came into my life for me being only 20 years old. First I got a house. I had all that serious "grown up" stuff to do which I am still working on. Along with that I was in summer school which was pretty intense. I finally finished that this past Friday. Thank God I passed all my classes and now have a free summer. And well, remember Ponchita and Kensington? I may have mentioned them. They're my two kittens I rescued. Well, Ponchita passed away on the 23rd of July. She got super sick and we all miss her. I'll write another Blog introducing them, she was actually writing in the Blog Post that I had written the day after I hung out with my friend. This past week I finally "caught a break" but then I was on Facebook one night this past week and saw where my ex had unblocked me. Which was fine but just seeing him along with wanting him back and putting/seeing all his pictures at my place brings back so many great memories. So seeing him broke me down. So I had to block him.. I have nothing to hide. I just didn't want to see him. :( anyways.... I keep rambling but it's my Blog so I'll do as I please. I went out and got birthday cards for my cousins on the 31st before I went home to pack. Well when I went to Hallmark I got there card and on the way to check out I saw an I Love You card I got him before. So I picked it up and that night I poured my soul into the card. Keeping it with me. Not sure if I would ever be blessed with the chance to give it to him. After all we haven't talked since June 15th. Anywho, I finally left for vacation with my family on the 1st. We came down to Atlanta to have a birthday dinner for my cousin before she went to work. It was nice and relaxing. Not having to worry about school, getting out of my state, all of the above. Just nice and relaxing and good spending time with my family. Well, on the 2nd we woke up and we went to breakfast at Einstein Bagles.... SOOOOI DELISH!!!!!! Then we went to Voyles to go look at some cars for my aunt and uncle. Literally as we got in the car to leave at 9:17 am I got a text from him.... Zack. I saw his name pop up with the heart beside it. I was so confused until I started reading. He text me to tell me something about his dad... I broke down before even completing the text. I had my aunt read it and right away we started praying. I called Zack we talked a few minutes. It was a serious situation. I immediately started looking up plane tickets to get home ASAP. Zack texted me shortly to tell me that his father had passed away. My heart sank for him. I felt so unbelievably bad that I was not there for him. I was on my way to Alabama to see my other cousin for his birthday. I know sorta how he felt but I couldn't understand. My father passed away when I was 12. My mother was deported when I was 8. I had no one when my father passed away but thank god he had his family. I was happy and thankful that they all had each other in this time. I don't know how to help him but I'm doing the best I can to support him. So please, please support him and please, please pray for him and his family. Every bit of help is much appreciated. Well it's 806 pm here in Alabama. I have to be up early since my flight out is at 611 am. I can finally go home and be there to support him an his family. So, please pray. Thank you all.

Yours truly,

Clair Kwahadi Parker