My purpose:

Well, this post is early in the day! I’m at home, no one is here, and it’s too late and cloudy to sit by the pool now, so I decided to write. It’s been a week since Zack’s daddy passed away. I think that was one of the harder “milestones” of knowing that my dad wasn’t coming back. He had never left me for a week unless he went to Quanico, VA or something for TDY. So, I’m definitely thinking about Zack today and praying for him… I know it’s hard but I know he’s staying busy to keep his mind away from reality. I did the same, and I think we all do going through something like this. There’s nothing like it. Anyways, I talked to Zack last night. He met me outside of the mall and we just sat and talked. It was really nice, and like old times. Minus the affection… of course. All I’m going to say about it is that I loved talking to him, as a friend. It was so nice to have that friend again. But, I did think it was cute when we hugged good-bye. We had that “almost” the same tight embrace, the secure one that made everything better. I had my head rested on his chest and he had asked me if I was listening for his heart and then I noticed his heart beat was nice and slow and replied, “Well, I wasn’t at first but now I am…” and we had made direct eye contact in this. Well, I put my head back to avoid all the rush of the feelings coming back because, well, you know how movies are. The exes make eye contact and everything rushes back. Anyways, I put my head back on his chest to listen to his heart and I then had realized that his heart was beginning to race. My heart does that everytime I see him, especially the first day I saw him… my heart just races. It’s so cute, and I thought that was really cute that I noticed his heart did the same. But, we are just friends and of course there are “no feelings”…. pshh. Hahaha, now… To the reason of my blog. It’s called My purpose. This morning when I woke up, thinking about Zack, for some reason I was in that deep thinking. Weird, but whatevs. Anyways, I started thinking and praying and I thought: Maybe my purpose or the purpose of my relationship with Zack was to prepare him for what happened on August 2nd. I mean, he did deal with me and my emotions and he knew all of my feelings about my dad and his death. Zack took care of me and helped me deal with them, so in a sense it gave him a background on the subject. So, I don’t know, I could be very wrong, but I do feel that my purpose was to help him. We didn’t know that this would happen, but I feel that God did put me in His life for a certain reason and maybe that was the reason. Who knows, I don’t, no one down here does. Only God knows. What do you think?

Yours truly,

Clair Kwahadi Parker

My daddy and I at the beach when I was a kid, and yes. That is a leash.